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I was stuck in the web of malapropism while putting my thoughts into writing and trying to navigate my way out of it. These irritating beeps started invading my thoughts, disconnecting me from my train of thoughts. I hate people sliding into my space when I am busy, especially when they are not intimate friends. And so one of these rapscallions continued to distract me with his silly “watup’’ ‘’watup’ watup’’. Now that further irritated me, I do not like slipshod language from strangers. It is a big turn off. Why can’t you say ‘’hello’’?  I was hopping mad, by now my train of thoughts had derailed. So I replied ‘’do not be rude boy. If you got nothing to do take a cuppa’’.

The brat replied ‘’who ae u 2 tell me dat ehn?’’ can you imagine the sloppiness?

I replied ‘’because you are invading my space. Why are you chatting with me? Buzz off! ‘’ I replied trying to piece my disjointed thoughts back together.

Beep ‘’ah I think u dnt no who I am abi?’’ he replied. I rolled my eyes, furious. Exasperated.

‘’get lost small boy, why am I even replying you’’ I said. I now went to check his profile. Mtcheew, just a genetic mutant whose brain is obliterating saneness. Probably not born when I left the university.

So I collected my thoughts back and continued in my space trying hard to have zero reaction to beepings from four others. I looked at the time 4.05am.

Beep ‘’4ok u e goat, if I get u ah ae dead ok’’ I was now shaking my head. This is supposed to be a student of a university. He brain must have been used to smoke Igbo. It is irredeemable.

I replied ‘’ ok, good, since you just reported yourself, I shall forward your name to be added on the list of cyber terrorists. Done with you. Go take a cuppa’’ then I blocked him.

Just as I blocked him, a beep came up ‘’hi” I ignored it with a long hiss. Then another beep ‘’helo’ helo’’ helo oo pretty lady why are you not answering me’’. Scum, idiot, glop I muttered under my breathe. Then the beeper with chromosomal slipup decided to call me, by now I was raging mad!

Then the final straw when I saw the familiar ‘’heads up! Almost every account ….’’ then I knew it was time to race to the bed. Village witches have been unhinged! Who wakes up in the middle of the night to chat or send silly messages except psychosomatic prowlers?

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